We learned about life as children and it is necessary to change the way we intellectually view life in order to stop being the victim of the old tapes. By looking at, becoming conscious of, our attitudes, definitions, and perspectives, we can start discerning what works for us and what does not work. We can then start making choices about whether our intellectual view of life is serving us — or if it is setting us up to be victims because we are expecting life to be something which it is not. In the course of writing this article — which seems to be turning into another online book — I realized that though I talk a lot about the importance of emotional honesty in my work, I probably do not give a lot of down to earth, easily understood examples of what the term means to me. So, I decided to start this Chapter 3 with an example. It was focusing on the dynamic of expectations that was the key for me in starting to get emotionally honest with myself. Starting to understand the cause and effect relationship between my emotional reactions and my expectations was essential for me to start understanding why my relationship with life was so dysfunctional.
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Not the mindless kind of faith we exercise when we want something really, really, bad, but the kind that inspires transcendent art, that kicks us several rungs up the evolutionary ladder, that translates to a deep and primal way of perceiving which surpasses ordinary reality and goes straight into the glowing territory of inspiration. You see, to feel beauty this deeply, so that it cuts you to your very core and you come away with the bloody slash-marks as morbid proof, you need to be at least a little bit maniacal. At least slightly addicted. I have had my addictions in the past, but not of the garden variety. Not drugs, alcohol, sex, or the affection of someone who is clearly not good for me. Instead, I opted for that pounding oceanic sensation I still feel whenever I play Rachmaninoff at full blast. Or when I was singing kirtans and ecstatic-dancing my way into blissful oblivion alongside other yogis in altered states of consciousness. Or by clairvoyants with the uncanny ability to stare straight into my soul and assure me that all that bad shit could be turned around with a little faith and a simple energetic exchange in the form of money. Flailing as I was, I wanted to believe there were people who actually had all the answers. And they truly seemed to.
I am amazed at how people stay in relationships out of fear of hurting their partner. Who is this helping? No one really. Imagine being stuck in a relationship that you have outlived- the frustration of potentially feeling trapped, stuck, powerless.
There are many varying opinions about what codependency is and how to deal with it. These solutions include healthy boundaries but that is not all! Recovery from codependency requires a deeper understanding of ourselves and what we are dealing with spiritually. Now before you answer this too quickly, really think about it. Scripture can sometimes be uses to hold us to something out of fear, guilt or shame? The enemy is the master of deception. He knows the scripture better than we do and He knows exactly what to pull out to accuse us with or to keep us in bondage. We need to be smarter than him.